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The Passion Of The Toast, and my piece of crap.
It all started with this piece of cheese toast.
This DECADE old piece of toast was finally put on eBay. After all, if you can
capitalize off religion, what better way than through the Virgin Mary. The
mother of all.
An internet casino confirmed it had purchased the sandwich, saying it had become a “part of pop culture”.
I won’t tell you which one, because they’ve gotten enough publicity from it
already. Anyway, so they bought this piece of half-eaten, 10 year old, toast for
$28,000. That’s a crapload of money. OK, so the casino will eventually sell it
and give the money to charity–so what. They’ll get a lot of name
recognition. Name recognition rocks. I’ll keep that in mind.
Well,
 I
thought it was all over, but it seems as though a pattern is emerging. This guy,
Chris Doyle, came within seconds of pouring milk on to the unusual grain, but quick thinking turned a $5 box of cereal into a financial bonanza.
He was quoted as saying “I was just trying to find someone who feels the same way about E.T. as they do about the Virgin Mary.”
Well, there was someone out there crazy enough to buy this E.T. Nutri-grain
Cereal piece, and they bought it or $1,035! That’s totally awesome.
Well, again, I saw this pattern emerging, so I decided to look around for
something *I* could sell online. Well, I found something in the most bizarre
place–my toilet! That’s right,
I was on the righteous throne and was
dropping the kids off at the pool, if you will, when I stumbled across just the
thing I could sell on ebay. A piece of crap (see image on the left). Not just
ANY piece of crap but a very special piece of crap. This is my piece of crap.
The best thing about it is that it looks like my Uncle Leroy! Isn’t that
awesome? See, if you look hard enough, you can see two eyes, and what looks like
heavy eyebrows. This is remarkably just like Uncle Leroy’s! Also, there’s a big
nose, as you can see. There’s what looks like a single tooth. These are the
exact characteristics of my uncle Leroy. I’m hoping I can make at least a
thousand dollars on this. After all, it’s a piece of crap! ..and…and it looks
like UNCLE LEROY, OMG! I won’t tell you where the link is on eBay because I
don’t want a hundred million thousand hundred people bidding on it and getting
it cancelled off of eBay because the bid was too high.
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December 1st, 2004 at 9:06 pm
Disclaimer: This is what happens when I work a 12 hour day. I cannot be made responsible for the level of disgust you may be feeling at this moment, having read the article……but then again, I don’t care.
December 2nd, 2004 at 8:13 am
Bro, you must have been really bored. I have seen the toast before though.
I do need to try to find something stupid to sell though. That stupid ET thing is freaking ridiculious.
December 2nd, 2004 at 9:04 am
Too funny!
But seriously- what do people do with this stuff once they buy it? I understand the casino…the whole thing was an advertising ploy. But why are “regular” people buying food items that resemble people/characters?
December 2nd, 2004 at 9:13 am
Man, it’s E.T. this kind of thing would happen with Star Wars or Star Trek too.
The thing is, there’s no way these “normal” people are normal. No way at all.
December 2nd, 2004 at 10:06 am
I’m saving my turds until after I’m either famous or dead.
Then they’ll be worth something!
December 2nd, 2004 at 10:06 am
I collect LSU “Stuff” but I can look at think how much fun it is to watch my team.
But I am not about to buy someone’s stupid cereal, or a peice of gum (Luis Gonzolaz baseball player). These ppl are looney
January 15th, 2005 at 5:52 pm
This fucked up cheerio was shown on latenight TV last night (1-14-05) jay leno’s Tonight Show.. It sold for somthing like Four c-bills .. DAMN…
February 15th, 2005 at 11:02 pm
Ya e-bay is getting to be out of hand, a possessed dummy was bid on for like 20 bucks.