THE UPDATED LIST OF

********EUPHEMISMS FOR RECTAL FUNCTIONS!!!********

SECTION I. — Euphemisms for DEFECATION
SECTION II. — Euphemisms for DIARRHEA
SECTION III. — Euphemisms for FARTING

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I. Euphemisms for FECES
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1. Bake a brownie
2. Bake a loaf
3. Bake a potato
4. Bake a russet
5. Barbarians at the gate
6. Big brown man knocking on the back door
7. Blow Mud
8. Bomb the Bowl
9. Build a dookie castle
10. Carpet bombing
11. Choke a brownie
12. Choke a darkie
13. Chop a log
14. Commit yourself to the dumpatorium
15. Conduct a movement
16. Cook a brown carrot
17. Cook a brown kielbasa
18. Cook a butt burrito
19. Cook a meat loaf in the porcelain saucepan
20. Cook some chocolate
21. Cook some fudge
22. Cook some sausage
23. Cook up a pot of anal stew
24. Crap
25. Curl some pipe
26. Debulk
27. Defecate
28. Disembowel
29. Disemfiber
30. Do the Royal Squat
31. Doo-doo
32. Download some brownware
33. Draw mud
34. Drill for mud bunnies
35. Drop
36. Drop Loggy Log
37. Drop Smokies (when camping in the winter)
38. Drop a bomb
39. Drop a brown trout
40. Drop a deuce
41. Drop a dookie
42. Drop a load
43. Drop a log
44. Drop a stool
45. Drop anchor
46. Drop the kids off at the lake/pool
47. Drop wolf bait
48. Drop your ordinance
49. Dump
50. Dump a stump
51. Enjoy a meatball sandwich
52. Evacuate
53. Fill the peanut butter jar
54. Float a trout
55. Give birth to a Marine
56. Give birth to a packy
57. Go Fecen’
58. Go into labor
59. Grow a Tail
60. Hatch a new boss
61. Hatch a new superintendent
62. Have a shit
63. Heave a Havana
64. Hit paydirt
65. Launch a Butt Shuttle
66. Launch a torpedo
67. Lay a brick
68. Lay a cable
69. Lay a log
70. Lay some cable
71. Load the crapper
72. Log out
73. Make a core dump
74. Make a delivery
75. Make a deposit
76. Make a deposit at the porcelain bank
77. Make a doo-doo
78. Make a log entry
79. Make grunt sculpture
80. Make mud
81. Make room for lunch
82. Make some fertilizer
83. Offload some freight
84. Pack your underwear
85. Paint the bowl (especially for a really wet one)
86. Paint with the brown stuff
87. Park some bark
88. Park your breakfast
89. People who like sausages shouldn’t see how they’re made!!
90. Pinch a loaf
91. Plant some corn
92. Play at the Toilet Bowl
93. Poke the turtle’s head out
94. Poop
95. Punish the porcelain
96. Put fruit in the bowl
97. Recycle fiber
98. Release your payload
99. Ride the hoop
100. Roll a Nut Log
101. Roll a log
102. Saw off a log
103. Seek revenge for the Brown Bomber
104. Shake a brown bomber
105. Shit
106. Sink a link
107. Sink a sausage
108. Sink the Bismark
109. Sit on the bowl
110. Sit on the can
111. Sit on the throne
112. Sjvsdtta en barkbet (in Sweden)
113. Snap a log
114. Spray and wipe
115. Squat
116. Squeeze a coily
117. Squeeze a loaf
118. Squeeze one out
119. Squeeze the cheese
120. Stain the porcelain
121. Study at the Library
122. Taint the cloth
123. Take a “Schroeder” (or insert another familiar name)
124. Take a Doogie
125. Take a dump
126. Take a growler
127. Take a load off your mind
128. Take a shit
129. Take a steamer
130. Test the plumbing
131. Visit the toilet for a poo-poo
132. Void your bowels
133. Zap the porcelain

II. Euphemisms for DIARRHEA
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1. Agent Brown
2. Anal hot chocolate
3. Aztec two-step
4. Brew some hot chocolate
5. Brownie batter
6. Bud Mud
7. Bum Gravy
8. Chocolate splat
9. Chocolate surprise
10. Chocolate syrup explosion
11. Cook some hot fudge
12. Cook up a pot of anal gravy
13. Cook up a pot of anal stew
14. Drippy doo-doo
15. Hershey Squirts
16. Liquid Bummer
17. Liquid Doo
18. Liquid Satan
19. Liquid Shit
20. Montezuma’s revenge
21. Nestle’s Splat
22. Percolating butt coffee
23. Piss out of your ass
24. Piss rusty water out of your ass
25. Reagan’s Revenge
26. Rectal hot chocolate
27. Rectal soup
28. Shilshul
29. Shit a flock of sparrows
30. Spam
31. The Schlitz
32. The Squirts
33. The chunky sputters
34. The runs
35. The shits
36. The trots
37. Trouser chili
38. Upside-down hot fudge sundae

III. Euphemisms for FARTING
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1. Anal Salute
2. Beep your horn
3. Blast the chair
4. Blat
5. Blow Mud
6. Blow the big brown horn
7. Bottom blast
8. Bottom burp
9. Break wind
10. Butt burp
11. Butt trumpet
12. Butt tuba
13. Buttock bassoon
14. Cut a stinker
15. Cut the cheese
16. Cut the wind
17. Drop a bomb
18. Fart
19. Flatulate
20. Flatulence
21. Float an air biscuit
22. Funky rollers
23. Gaseous intestinal by-products
24. HUMrrhoids
25. Honk
26. Let a Beefer
27. Let each little bean be heard
28. Mating call of the barking spider
29. Mexican jet propulsion
30. One-gun salute
31. Pass gas
32. Pass wind
33. Poot
34. Puff, the Magic Dragon!
35. Rebuild the ozone layer one poof at a time
36. Rectal honk
37. Rectal shout
38. Ripple Fart
39. Shoot the cannon
40. Singe the [noun] (e.g. carpet)
41. Step on a duck
42. The colonic calliope
43. The gluteal tuba
44. Toot your own horn
45. Trouser cough
46. Trouser trumpet