As I was helping a friend move this weekend, she decided to get cable TV and cable internet service through Comcast Cable. Being a nice guy and knowing a bit about cable, I decided I’d help setup her internet. I figured it’d be easy since I’d done this sort of thing before a few times. Little did I know that I’d be given the run-around by their customer service (or customer dis-service).

I knew it’d be tricky to get the cable-modem provisioned the day after all the equipment was dropped off by the cable-guy but I didn’t think it’d take me two or more hours. I started on this quest by calling the local Comcast contact number. There was an option for internet and was forwarded to a nice lady in some “international”department as she called it. She gave me the number to the “activation” department. I tried the number and a recording came on the phone saying “this number is no longer valid”. I called the international department and explained that I had setup my modem (all the lights were on and beaming), told her about the phony activation number, gave her my MAC address and told her I wanted to get the modem provisioned. She said “sure thing” and put me on hold while she talked to the provisioning department.

This is the first main problem. The lady came back on the phone and told me the provisioning department couldn’t provision my modem. Isn’t this their job? Their only function is to provision. Seemingly, all they need to know is my MAC address to the cable modem. From a technical standpoint this is all one needs to know. I guess I’m more angry with their business rules. Well, they didn’t outright explain to me that the reason they couldn’t provision me was because our account number hadn’t been setup. I merely assumed it because the lady told me to call the local office, select the “billing” option and have them transfer me to the provisioning department.

This is where we find the second main problem. I called the local number, selected the billing option from the menu and was given the standard message “please hold while we transfer you to your account executive”. Great! I felt special. I didn’t know I’d have my own executive with which to speak. So I held onto the line. And held I did. I waited ten minutes until I heard a second “click” followed by a recording “If you’d like to make a call please hang up and try your call again”. What kind of account executive is that? Needless to say, I was mad. I wouldn’t have been so mad if I had gotten that message instantly rather than having to wait ten minutes. I didn’t give up. Giving them the benefit of the doubt, I assumed it was a fluke and decided to try again. I got the same damned result. How annoying. I tried once more to this local number figuring they needed 3 chances before I gave up on them. I got the same treatment this 3^rd time. I’d spent at least 30 minutes on hold having not spoken to anyone. My line had also been dropped 3 times with them. I decided to call again and go back to the “international” department where I could at least talk to a human. I made sure to tell them about my local number not working. I was hoping to find someone nice enough to be able provision my modem. My luck didn’t pan out like that at all. The guy on the phone put me on hold a few times. We went back and forth while he “investigated” the issue. There was nothing to investigate! I told him everything he needed to know. Here were the facts:

• The Local office won’t answer
• I don’t have an account number
• I have registered equipment (They can verify by my serial numbers)
• I want my equipment provisioned.

After his many “investigations” he finally told me he simply could not help me out. He said to keep trying the local office. I politely told him thanks, and hung up. I was pretty steamed. I had called the local office 4 times total (I didn’t mention the first time earlier) and none of those attempts had worked. The first time I called the local office, I chose the billing-question option. The automated menu asked me for the phone number on the account. Well guess what? If the account isn’t setup, there’s no way they have the phone number. What a waste of time.

Finally, I called the local number and by some strange fate, I was able to talk to someone. She seemed nice enough. I decided not to barrage her with questions about why no one answered. I probably should have. How else are they going to know unless someone tells them? I guess I’m more comfortable with writing an article on my website about it and hoping they read it (not likely). I had to give her all the information regarding the account. If I known it’d take this, I would have selected “setup new account” at the very start, but I didn’t want to have to do this. She activated the account, gave me yet a new number to call for provisioning my modem, and then hung up.

I called this new number and was greeted by an interesting fellow. I told him I needed my modem provisioned. He asked “How do you know it needs to be provisioned?” Was he serious? He obviously thought I was some sort of idiot. I told him in my most condescending tone, “My account was just setup and activated, I was just given a username, I’ve given no one my MAC address corresponding to my account, the modem is setup, all lights are on, and I cannot sign on. It needs to be provisioned”. He then said “You’re right then. Hold on just a sec”. I guess this guy deals with idiots all day. I’d probably come off sounding as jaded as he did If I had to deal with goobers all day. Anyway, he got the modem provisioned and I was finally able to get online and write this article. I had plans for a different article today, but with all the Comcast crap with which I’ve had to deal, I felt compelled to write this in its stead.